by 4 AM we're going to twitchcon baby [Music] oh this is supposed to be like plastic that's what people do when they're camping I think out of the [ __ ] sack of water so I'm going to twitchcon to review my experience it's taking place down in San Diego the plan was to just drive down this way but uh oh there's a car crash looks like I have to go all the way around and then camp out in this sick desert so I get to San Diego that way to you know to review twitchcon Michael why do you own a salvage title run down piece of [ __ ] pickup truck from the city of Los Angeles um because it's Swag first of all five times cheaper than a normal truck and the most important I make too much trash at my house I put it in this truck and then put on a high Vis vest and drive around the place where I live until I find places with dumpsters and dump the trash and people just assume that I work for the County of Los Angeles and No One's Gonna bother you you have a high Vis jacket and the white truck with the light on top so [ __ ] where are we going to twitchcon we're going to uh we're going to twitchcon piss number one well this is a fun quirky story conflict I came back from pissing and the truck was doing some pissing of its own I think it's leaking coolant not really a car person but I want to say that the coolant thing should have coolant inside of it some water in there just to give me two and mechanic store water is cold sometimes so that's pretty much coolant come on up huh [Music] luckily it didn't matter because the engine was so hot that in the five minutes it took me to drive to the store it already burned away all the water so you know Small Miracles back to driving to the desert and it was actually a really nice drive it was blue skies good day made the perfect place for the truck to overheat on the side of the road well that's not good I'm sure that's bad I'm sure that's a bad thing okay no no listen to this okay good so good this coolant pipe was leaking everywhere how do we fix that I don't know cool yeah so I just took it off so I just took it off and put it back on and hope that it worked I might need a funnel nah that's that's pretty good ah [ __ ] I'm driving for a while and then we'll open it back up and see no piss we got Yo oh my God it's full I'm so I'm so happy it's going to the desert but now you're probably wondering why are you really going to the desert oh anyways my ulterior motive is because of nystat no not that nice that his brother van neistat he has a YouTube channel and his videos are pretty [ __ ] weird but they're also really good and he has this one video called should I get a motorcycle and I thought hey I should get a motorcycle and now I have a motorcycle and I thought it would be really fun to ride around this desert and that's it it's just for fun not everything has to be a [ __ ] life lesson anyway we're here yes this is what I came all this way for God yes bathroom I need a map I meant like a one I could hold pretty easy right now I am here and I am trying to get to here [ __ ] God okay I'll just turn right onto the road that it wants me to go on to and it's a pretty truck but I don't think it can do sand or can they ah no I would definitely get stuck okay I can't park here so I'm gonna go up this road and find a place to park this is the closest thing that set it out of Road and it doesn't look like what the [ __ ] is that what is that it's just rocks that's not rope and so I spent the next hour looking around the desert for a campsite it kind of feels like I'm playing Borderlands but nothing's funny hey dude listen up don't die in the desert I think this is good it's a campground I don't see a single other person at this point I just wanted to ride around anywhere because half the day was gone so I took the bike down using these wooden steps that I made because I have minion legs and then I was ready to go [Music] I'm [ __ ] stupid now I know I look professional but this is actually my first time going into the desert believe it or not so it's a learning experience for us all more more just me mostly me because I was there and here's something I learned ah sound is really hard ah I also learned that I was lost realistically I got on the dirt Trail and [Applause] pressed on didn't figure out where I was just got tired of looking in the map I knew it was the right direction after a while because the terrain started looking like this oh my God it's all [ __ ] rocks oh my God it's all [ __ ] sad but with no other choice I just kept going and doing desert things like climbing rocks and screaming you know desert things speaking of desert things [Music] I was gonna say I'm a sand Whisperer oh what the [ __ ] no if you look like I have no idea what I'm doing and that's because I don't I [ __ ] suck at this the sun is way harder to ride in than I thought it would be but hey it's fun I I think oh [ __ ] that's what I get that's what I get [ __ ] the bikes on my leg oh God I'm gonna have to cut it off I think I can get out of this I'm gonna turn around hey oh I was feeling pretty silly after that crash so I stopped here to eat and take in The View all right [ __ ] this and the sun was getting pretty low and then for my next trick I got the bike stuck it's actually so stuck that it stands up on its own so [Music] okay this is sand yeah it's sand you know it's gonna be 100 years from now huh well I was trying to get it out I noticed this on my phone it's a emergency dust storm alert for the area you know pull over visibility zero don't die and all that that sucks it's said to pull over but I'm not on a road so I'm pretty sure it doesn't apply to me anyways I got the bike on stuck and I was on my way baby yeah you know it wasn't the longest Adventure ever but I had a lot of fun I got to see some cool stuff and it's about time that I headed back so that I could go to twitchcon why always when I celebrate oh oh no oh [ __ ] oh no this is the dust storm oh my [ __ ] god [ __ ] okay I'm gonna get the [ __ ] out of here [ __ ] this oh [ __ ] this who could have seen this coming no one no one could have seen this coming but there's another problem this area is called a wash that's where water flows out of the hills when it rains the water Cuts these paths in the ground and they go all over the place it doesn't look that confusing from up here this is a Google Earth picture that I cropped to hide the watermark but when you're on the ground and it's dark and there's [ __ ] sand in the air it's way harder to see where you're going so at some point I went the wrong way I don't know where but I went the wrong way and the trail started looking less and less and less like a trail I think I went the wrong way okay go back go back and to make matters worse I discovered that sand isn't really sand but tasty little rocks that you can breathe and eat yummy woman in my Widow tummy they taste so good what the [ __ ] but it was getting pretty hard to breathe I'm gonna put a [ __ ] dust mask on by dust mask I mean a shirt so I had to stop and wrap a t-shirt around my face so I wouldn't breathe any more yummy rocks okay get the [ __ ] out of here it's this way I think yeah I think I found it that looks like the trail but not for long that doesn't look anything like the [ __ ] Trail oh there it is but I feel like this scary music's gonna come back I couldn't find the [ __ ] Trail okay this one I was on just ended I didn't even turn around this time just kept going towards where I thought the road was which is definitely not what you're supposed to do in this situation I'm not sure what you are supposed to do but it's definitely not this and I had no idea where I was I was just riding around hoping to find something which makes this next part really boring so I'm gonna put some Minecraft parkour video on the screen to keep your attention look at that a Subway Surfers oh and I'll go to Reddit and read the top post of today am I the [ __ ] for kicking my dog in the head and then I'll post it on Tick Tock and then I'll post that on YouTube sorts and then I'll post that short stock on my Instagram oh wow is that the road and I felt pretty relieved what happened is I saw these power lines way off in the distance and those are usually near civilization so I just went towards them until I found the road and then I was free [Music] foreign I think for dinner tonight I will make scrambled eggs and spam look at how good this looks it's like fried rice [Music] good night [Music] good morning I had a nightmare that someone was walking around my tent at night so I'm probably gonna have to deduct points from twitchcon for that but other than that it was pretty good and uh let's all get packed up and we'll head to twitchcon [Music] not much happened on the 100 mile drive from the desert to San Diego I had a lot of time to think about how fun it had been so far and how I wished I could have stayed a little bit longer but as I rolled into town I was overcome with optimism you see I lost track of why I came down to San Diego in the first place and so I was excited to finally get started on my review of twitchcon 4 out of ten it's all right [Music] thank you [Music] foreign
